I don’t know how to express my feelings right now. Confused? Lost? Mixed feelings I can say.

Dentistry is a busy course. Everytime when I have insomnia, I’ll lie down on the bed with my eyes wide open thinking.. what if I stayed in Nottingham with a bunch of playful friends that fool around with me everyday. Will life be better? But what is done is done right. aiks. The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you can see. Forgot where I read this from.

I am poor in managing my time. I’m a nerd. Wasting even 1 second would make me very guilty and that leads to the me today, which is someone very impatient. Every day after class I would lock myself in the room and only concentrate on my studies. Without realizing, I have neglected people around me. I always turn down invitation from friends and families for outings and yumcha sessions. I often forget to reply text msgs too. I’m really sorry about that. And when I’m in trouble, 1 question always pop out in my mind.. who can I turn to? Studying everyday makes the bond between us weaker and weaker. dont u think so?

In the end, I am always alone :(

I’ve been very busy with orientation these days. I hardly see my parents and siblings. When I’m home, everybody is sleeping. When I’m awake, everybody is out. (This is what we used to write in our secondary karangan about materialistic parents right? lol. didnt know it can be applied on me too)

My bro and I even used fb to communicate. How funny huh? Lol. My mom was still at home when I left to uni yesterday. This morning I got up and received a call from her. She asked me to go Shanghai Expo along with my family during the 1 week raya break. Being a nerd, of course I would like to fully utilize my holidays to study. I kept screaming and yelling on the phone that I want to stay and study. Then I asked her where is she. Why not we talk when she get home. The next sentence I heard was “I’m already back in China.” At that very second, I was overwhelmed by guilt. I don’t even know when she flew back as I was too busy with my own stuff :(

Now I am finally free to watch a movie that she wanted to watch so badly but she's back to China already.

yea. Imu is indeed full of nerds. but I must really find a way to get out of this trend.

I feel obliged to attend every outings. I really hate this. So what if I get As in every of my exams when my life is so miserable? You tell me. In the end, I’m still a loser. I used to be very cheerful. U poke me, I’ll still smile to you. But now.. you poke me and I’ll cut you into slices and eat you up. Scary huh.

Despair weighted the air, pushing me down with more pressure than before. HELP ANYONE?

my lovely family.


ps. this is not an emo post. Just wana express my feelings. it's not meant to be read tho. haha. thats why the words are small :p
cheers



The only cute little creature that will never leave me no matter what happen. hehe.